Sorry, I’ve been so busy of late. I think I’ve written five political pieces in the last two weeks — a personal record low FOR SURE. Been working like a madman recently and have had to adjust to four hours and 45 minutes of sleep every single day, Sundays included. I don’t rest.
Anyway, let’s talk about our boy Andy B…
So two days before the news broke, I was on a midnight phone call with a senator who had advised me not to post about Philippine politics till Monday because the biggest news story of the last three years was about to be released. He told me that the report would be published in pieces a day at a time and would implicate a good number of very powerful people. He also said there’d be a superabundance of sex gossip (hooray, always fun).
And now here we are…six days in.
On Day 1, I wrote a bunch of silly things. I went on Andy’s personal Facebook page (surprisingly still open to the public) and pulled a profile photo of him sitting on Cersei’s Iron Throne. Are you fucking kidding me?? Do you know how easy it would have been for us to turn that into an internet-demolishing viral meme, especially after episode 4 just got leaked? Delicious.
I also wrote a few stupid jokes like “PNoy’s white panty is now yellow because of all the scared wiwi”. (Sorry.)
I ultimately decided not to post any of it because someone in my extended family said that Andy’s a very nice man and was always kind to my grandmother when she was still alive. Humor me for a moment and imagine this: what if the dude got cheated on AND framed by his wife? OUCH, right? Even just the thought hurts. Like getting punched in the balls by dysmenorrhea, a figure of speech everyone in the world will only half-understand.
And, really, who cares how he likes to have sex? As long as he didn’t rape anyone or wasn’t into shit like pedophilia or beastiality, whatever he decides to do when he’s naked is his business. Besides — I’d really like to keep that visual off my social media feed, so please be obedient and stop talking about his penis.
The main issue here — obviously — is corruption. And if this guy was corrupt, HE DESERVES TO BE PUNISHED. This is basic and indisputable.
Now here’s the thing: I’ve since spoken to two more senators (both neither Red nor yellow) who say with the utmost certainty that Andy Bautista is a corrupt human being. And as the evidence is slowly being unraveled — Tish Bautista carefully tucked away in a government safe house — it’s certainly not looking good for him.
I’ve been reading the posts of the pro-Duterte bloggers and they’ve been hammering at this case like a horny wrecking ball through Lego. How fun. Don’t worry, I’ve been reading the Yellow social media pages, too, for balance. (Objectively, you guys are fucked.)
But here’s where it gets tricky and incredibly dangerous.
People on the inside know that a chunk of Andy’s unexplained wealth involved dealings with SmartMatic — meaning alleged dirty payments were made and received that VERY, VERY LIKELY altered the results of the last elections. And if this is successfully linked to the LP (it will be), it will mean the armageddon of what was possibly the most corrupt political party of the last decade.
Do you understand the gravity of the situation?
Finally…the closing of the horror book; the end of the Yellow brick road; the Aquino Omega; the determinative GAME-OVER-BRING-ON-THE-GODDAMN-GOOSEBUMPS moment.
This is why the evidence that Tish Bautista currently holds is inescapably crucial — the tampering of Filipino votes is no fucking joke. This thing goes ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP and in Tish’s hands is the key to the apocalypse of everyone involved, regardless of depth of pocket.
I say this with precision, sobriety and honesty: it’s a safe bet that Aquino, Roxas and company are terrified right now. They know that if proven, they’re dead. Like a-brontosaurus-with-a-Blackberry levels of dead.
A few sensible presumptions (none of these are far-reaching, all are logical):
1. Duterte got WAY more than 16 million votes
2. Mar didn’t finish 2nd; Grace Poe did. This makes a lot of sense, know why? I’ve learned in the last year that democracy is actually very basic: it’s simply the process of appealing to the majority. That’s the correct framing.
This is why Duterte is a political genius and Mar is a fool.
Think of the majority; OUR majority. Now tell me, do you think the way Mar carries himself appeals to them? Of course not. A thousand HELL NO’s. He doesn’t get it and never has, which is why he’ll never become President.
If he runs one-on-one in a fair election against a very likable Poe, he will lose handily. If he runs one-on-one against Duts, he’ll get massacred.
3. De Lima might not even be a senator.
4. This is the most powerful one because it’s been PAINFULLY OBVIOUS for the longest time. Ready?
Leni did not win the vice presidency.
I’ve held my tongue regarding Miss Robredo over the last year or so because so many people on my feed like her. So let me just speak in facts. If your feelings are hurt, that’s on you. Let’s get to it…
The most reliable source in the universe is mathematics. Apart from science, math is the only thing we know that is unconditionally objective. In the strictest sense, nothing else is. I measure social media analytics for a living. I do it everyday, for everything Filipino. My laptops and hard drives are bursting at the seams with this data. And here’s an unassailable truth for you all: in the last 24 months, only five people in the world have experienced stratospheric superstardom in the Philippines: Pope Francis, Pia Wurtzbach, the two kids from AlDub, and Rodrigo Duterte.
And yes, at his peak, Duterte dwarfed the Pope, Pia and AlDub at THEIR peaks COMBINED. Insane metrics all throughout 2016-17.
If you hate him, this is gonna be a tough pill to swallow, but the fact of the matter is DU30 IS STATISTICALLY THE BIGGEST STAR THE PHILIPPINES HAS EVER HAD.
At the beginning of the election period, Leni wasn’t even a B-list celebrity. Before she became the Vice President, there was exactly a zero percent chance she’d make it to a list of the top 300 most known Filipinos. People like Cedric Lee and Baron Geisler were decisively more famous than her at that point.
Let me say this with idiot-proof clarity: all the above considered, if you tell me that Robredo and Duterte both legally got 16 million votes, YOU ARE EITHER STUPID OR COMPLETELY FULL OF SHIT OR BOTH. No if’s, no but’s. This is common sense and as clear as it gets.
I hear Bongbong Marcos is an okay guy, but I don’t know him so I’m not gonna stick my neck out for him. I honestly don’t care whether or not he becomes VP — but come on, guys — there’s NO QUESTION here he was cheated.
Will end with this. If you’re still “Dilawan” after all the evidence is brought to the forefront, it’ll be very hard to respect both your intelligence and character.
The biggest problem our country faces isn’t drugs or poverty or transport or environmental. The current biggest problem has been the same biggest problem for over half a century.
CORRUPTION HAS RAPED AND BURIED THE FILIPINO.
Here you are, whining and bickering everyday about why things suck and how things should be, and now staring you in the face is a corruption case of epic proportions. Some of YOUR most powerful+influential+durable leaders TAMPERED WITH YOUR VOTES — this, after decades of stealing YOUR money and bleeding YOUR nation dry — yet you still think aligning yourself with them is the right move.
That, my friends, is the apex of idiocy; the quintessential embodiment of what it is to be a blind moron.
If you don’t like Digong, that’s fine. Even he’ll tell you that’s fine.
But after all this, if you’re still an LP guy or an LP gal, you’ll ultimately reach the end your life realizing how profoundly, excruciatingly, hilariously wrong you once were.
PS – Depending on how the next few days play out, there will be threats. There will be meticulous attempts at character assassinations. There will be physical bounties on people’s heads. It will be important to do things for the right reasons — when you remember this, it becomes very easy to be brave.